Some things to think about

After your baby is born, there are some things to think about. And the time to think about them is NOW–before you deliver. If you have your baby at home or in a birth center, it will be much easier to refuse these things should you choose to. If you have your baby in a hospital, you certainly have the right to refuse anything–you just have to know that ahead of time. Here are some things that are routine in a hospital, and if you have a midwife she will probably talk with you and ask you ahead of time if you want them.

Clamping of the umbilical cord–In most hospitals, it is standard practice to clamp the baby’s cord as soon after birth as possible. This is pretty much immediate, although there are several benefits to waiting until it has finished pulsing. I mean, think about it. Doesn’t it just seem to make sense to wait until it’s finished with it’s job? It’s only a minute or so to wait–after 9 months of working–so why not? Choosing to clamp the cord immediately is likely to increase the risk of retained placenta (when the placenta will not expel on it’s own), postpartum hemorrhage, and respiratory distress in babies. Studies have shown that delayed cord clamping allows twenty to fifty percent of the baby’s blood volume to flow into the baby. And early clamping also results in lower hematocrit or hemoglobin values in the newborn (fewer red blood cells.) Evidence shows that delayed cord clamping is definitely beneficial for premature babies. Look this up!! If it’s important to you, talk with you doctor.

“Pulling” of the placenta–Doctors are usually in a hurry and like convenience. This is the main reason for lots of interventions–including high c-section rate, episiotomies, forcep or vacuum deliveries, most inductions, etc. So when a placenta proves a be a little stubborn, most doctors want to pull them out by the umbilical cord. Most placentas will expel themselves within the first 15 to 20 minutes although some are a little more attached and need a little longer. Most doctors will not even wait those 15 to 20 minutes. Many will tug on the cord and pull the placenta within the first 5 minutes of delivery. Sometimes, mothers don’t even know this is happening (especially if she’s had an epidural–which is true in 85% of women in American hospitals.) If a woman has not had any pain medication, she will more than likely know that her doctor is doing this because it hurts. Detaching the placenta manually from the uterus can result in many different problems–the worst being a major postpartum hemorrhage from the “scarred” area. The umbilical cord can also be pulled free from the placenta and leave the placenta inside to be extracted manually. The best “treatment” for a stubborn placenta is oxytocin–the same hormone that made your uterus contract to expel your baby. The most natural way to produce this is through nursing your baby (just one more reason to nurse early and often!!) Through the first few days of nursing, you will continue to produce oxytocin to make your uterus contract back to it’s original pear-size self. If nursing doesn’t help, midwives will usually give some sort of herbal concoction or homeopathic remedy to help. They may also rub vigorously on your tummy to help it along. Hospitals will usually overlook the need to nurse and other things and go straight for the synthetic oxytocin. If you are already on an IV, it will just be added. If not, you will receive a shot in the leg of pitocin. Midwives also have this on hand just in case nothing else works. The placenta does eventually have to come out, but no one should be panicky about it for at least 45 minutes.

Erythromycin in the eyes–It is standard practice for doctors to rub an antibiotic cream in your baby’s eyes. Erythromycin is most commonly used today. Some doctors still use silver nitrate as was common in the 1890’s when the practice was first started. But this is known to really irritate baby’s eyes so it is usually not used. If you decide to opt for the antibiotics, make sure you ask your doctor what he/she uses. The reason for the antibiotic cream is to keep away eye infections. Like I said earlier, if you are in a hospital, this won’t be a choice–unless you make it one. The only reason for babies to get an eye infection is if they are born to mothers with gonorrhea or chlamydia. More rarely, a baby may develop an infection if born to a mother with high levels of group B strep (which you will be tested for late in pregnancy) but since you will be receiving antibiotics for this throughout labor anyway, a baby developing an infection from group B is not likely. If you do not fall into one of these categories, there is really no reason to expose your baby to this ointment. Although long term side effects are rare, it certainly interferes with immediate bonding between mothers and fathers. Obviously, baby’s vision is blurred, and they are unable to focus on their parents during those first few precious hours where they are now connecting the voices they’ve heard for so many months with faces. Plus, most babies don’t like to have the gooey stuff rubbed in their eyes–would you? The best way to prevent an eye infection is to rub your own breastmilk into their eyes. It’s straight antibiotics–straight from the most natural source! I rub it in my baby’s eyes every time I nurse for the first two weeks or so just to prevent eye infections and clogged ducts. It doesn’t interfere with their eyesight for more than a couple of seconds.

Vitamin K shot–The Vitamin K shot is given because babies’ blood lacks the ability to coagulate for the first 8 days. And it takes even longer in some. If something should happen where this is necessary, some babies would need extra help from the Vit. K. While the case for this is very rare, it shouldn’t be overlooked. So Vit. K is a legitimate thing, in my opinion, but it doesn’t need to be given in a shot. Research has shown that oral Vitamin K is just as effective if given in the appropriate doses. I don’t want to be responsible for giving out dosing instructions, so you’d have to look that up yourself. But it’s very easy information to find. Oral Vitamin K is also readily available on the internet and easy to buy. Prepare yourself and don’t subject your sweet newborn to an immediate stick in the leg!!

Hepatitis B shot–I’m going to give my true and honest opinion here. This is the most absurd thing that I think the medical world has come up with! Unless you, as the mother, have hepatitis b–there is no way your baby is going to contract it within the first week of it’s life!! Even if it needs a blood transfusion, blood today is thoroughly tested for every known disease (including hepatitis b.) I’m not going to argue here about getting this vaccination down the road, but getting it within an hour or even a day after birth is crazy! You do have a right to refuse this! Even if you just want time to think about it–say so! A newborn baby receives the same amount of vaccination that a grown man receives in the same vaccination. If you want to question anything–question that! The only way to contract hepatitis b is through bodily fluids–blood, semen, vaginal secretions or [major amounts of] saliva. So unless your baby is planning on living it up on the wild side in his first few years, this is something that really doesn’t need to concern you! Obviously, if you are close to someone who has this disease and that person is handling the baby on a regular basis, it’s something to think about. But even then, the chances of that person giving the child the disease are minute!!

Immediate rubbing down and washing of baby–Babies are born with a protective coat of vernix–a thick, white creamy covering that protected their skin from being in fluid for so many months. As soon as they are born, nurses seem to want to get it all off!  They usually insist on a water and soap bath within 12 hours after birth. This is more for cosmetic reasons than anything else. Usually they think that moms and dads would prefer to see their babies rid of all that “stuff” that is on them. But nurses don’t really know that’s the reason. All they know is that it’s “hospital policy.” Believe me, I’ve been there! I was a doula for a couple whose nurse argued with the dad for an hour about having to give the baby a bath. He didn’t want it because he knew the benefits of leaving that protective vernix on the skin for 24 hours or more. When he was out of the room, the nurse used her power of persuasion to talk the mother (who had just gone through 2 days of labor and a c-section) into telling her husband that it needed to be done. I couldn’t say anything–because that’s not my place as a doula. But it made me so sad to see his face fall after he had worked so hard to keep it from happening. The nurse finally admitted as her last argument that if she didn’t do it, the nurses on the next shift would be pretty upset about it. That was her final reason!! But that vernix plays a great part even after birth in softening the skin and protecting baby from all the new outside environment. Babies want to be warm and covered up anyway–not sprawled out and naked in a bath. Most hospitals now give them an underwater bath even with their umbilical cords newly cut. They tell you not to at home–so why would they do it in the hospital? I don’t know the answer to that! I don’t bathe my babies until about 48 hours after they are born. Most of that is because I don’t have time to!! But I do know that it’s good for them. And I have to admit that I love that “fresh from the womb” smell. There’s nothing like it in the world!!

If you decide that any (or all) of these things are not for you or your baby, make sure you talk with your health care provider before you go into labor. Put it on your birth plan, and have him/her sign it. If you wait until you are in labor or after birth, it may be too late. Don’t assume either that just because you have a midwife, all these things will work out. If your midwife is very natural minded, she will be happy to accommodate any of these desires. If not, you may have to present your reasons just as you would to an OB. Don’t take my word for it. Look these up! Educate yourself, and be armed with information when you go in! Nothing intimidates a doctor more than a patient who knows what she’s talking about!!

How to have a natural birth in a hospital

(Or at least give it your best possible shot!!)

If you’ve never had a baby before, you might think this is a crazy post. I mean, what’s more natural than having a baby, right? And isn’t the hospital the safest and smartest place to do it? So wouldn’t the two just go together? Well, you might be surprised if your plan is to have an actual natural birth. I guess first of all, I need to define what I mean (and what “nature” means) by natural. A true natural birth is a vaginal birth without any interventions–letting your body do what it was made to do and following it’s lead. This means no artificial induction, no pain medication, no forceps or vacuum extraction, etc. If a natural birth is not your goal, then that’s okay too. You just need to do the research, educate yourself, and be prepared to face the outcome and consequences of your choices–no matter what they may be. Every choice you make about your pregnancy, labor, delivery and first days postpartum is going to have a consequence. These are your first choices of being a parent. And I can tell you that no matter how long and hard you labor is, it’s a cinch compared to many other challenges that you will face as a parent! So, as usual, I’m off on a rabbit trail…..

As anyone who knows me or has read my blog before knows, I think the best way to have a natural birth is to have a homebirth or birth center birth with a trusted midwife. But I also know that there are plenty of reasons to have a hospital birth. A VBAC, for instance, is usually done in a hospital setting. Many states will not allow midwives to perform them; and even in states that they legally can, they usually can’t find an OB to back them up “just in case” something happens so they will not take that responsibility. There are other high risk situations that warrant having a hospital birth– having gestational diabetes, hypertension, pre-eclampsia, cancer, condition of the baby that would warrant immediate hospital NICU care, etc. Also, there are some that just feel better in a hospital. I’ve said it before so I’ll say it again, that I think most women who believe that they are safer in a hospital really believe this because it’s what society has told them. If you have done your research, though, and still believe this–then more power to you!! I’m all about educating yourself about all of your choices. And then I’m truly about choices!! If your choices differ from mine–that’s okay. I won’t question yours if you don’t question mine! We all have different reasons for the choices we make, and we all come from different walks of life that influence those choices. Once again, rabbit trail…..

So the best place to start on your journey of natural birth is to choose your health care professional wisely. In many places, OBGYN practices have CNM (Certified Nurse Midwives) in them. Many of these midwives have become just as medical minded as their professional counterparts, but many of them still practice in the midwifery model of care as much as they possibly can. I would say to check into these first if they are available in your area. But before you get too close to one, make sure that they can in fact deliver in a hospital in your area. This may sound crazy, but we actually have CNMs in practices here in Naples that see patients throughout their pregnancy, but one of our hospitals will not let them deliver there. And the other hospital is still trying to make a name for itself and doesn’t have too many deliveries–although I know they will let midwives deliver there. So just make sure you can actually deliver with your midwife if you choose to have one. If you don’t have the option of a CNM, talk to friends and interview doctors. Ask about their c-section rate, their use of pain medication, their rate of induction, etc. You can find out anything you want just by asking. If they have a c-section rate of 30% or more–steer clear!! Don’t think that you will be the exception! It would be great to find someone with less than a %15 c-section rate, but among OBs, that is few and far between. Around 20% would be a safer number.

Next, ask your health care provider where he/she usually delivers and check out the hospital’s rates as well. You will more than likely be at the hospital for a long time in labor before your doctor or midwife gets there. In that time, your nurse will be the one reporting to your doctor. Hospital policy and procedure will win out. If your healthcare provider usually delivers at a hospital that is not acceptable to you, talk to him/her about the possibility of delivering at a more favorable place. If he won’t do it, I would consider finding someone else.

A lot of people are already past these two steps once they really start thinking about what they want for their birth experience. They may feel it’s too late to switch “midstream” so the next step is very important–HIRE A DOULA!! I don’t say this to toot my own horn or to be an advertisement, but just to give you the best possible situation for having the birth of your choice. Interview a doula in your area. See if your goals are the same and if your personalities mesh. That is really important! Check out the “Questions to ask a doula” on the right side of the page. Make sure you tell your healthcare provider that you will have a doula at your birth. You don’t want them to be surprised if they have had not so great experiences with one before.

Take a good birth education class. The one offered by your hospital may not be exactly what you need if you want a natural birth. Look into classes at birth centers or even independent educators. The internet is a great resource to find these. Also, ask your doula.

Steer clear of artificial induction for non-medical reasons. If your doctor recommends an induction, ask lots of questions!! Do lots of research!! Make sure that you truly feel that it is a medical reason. It’s okay to question your doctor and educate yourself. ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) has recently said that doctors cannot induce labor before 39 weeks for any non-medical reason. Before this, it was 38 weeks, and they were finding that a lot of babies were not ready that soon (surprise, surprise.) If your doctor has suggested that you be induced at 39 weeks (unless something has all of a sudden come up), consider the fact that the reasons may not be as “medical” as he/she wants you to think. Also, talk to your doula. She can answer questions that you may have. She can’t make a decision for you–only you and your partner can do that. But she can give you clear answers to your questions and point you to other resources to find your own answers.

Make a birth plan! Stay positive in your birth plan. Don’t go to your doctor with three pages of “I don’t want this” and “I won’t do that.” Instead, make it as positive as possible. Your thought may be “I don’t want my baby taken from me immediately after birth.” Try to state it as something like, “I would like for my baby to be placed immediately on my chest and left as long as possible to bond and nurse as soon as he’s ready.” Obviously, if there’s a complication, hospital procedure will take over and you will have to relinquish your baby. If it’s a real emergency, you’ll want that!! Choosing to having your baby there means you must play by their rules of what needs to be done. Ask your doula for suggestions of things to include in your birth plan. Try to keep your birth plan to one page, and choose the most important things to you.

Labor at home as long as possible! This is another reason to have a doula. If this is your first baby, you will more than likely go to the hospital too early in labor. There is no way that one can truly prepare and know what labor is going to feel like. I’ve had many clients say “It can’t get worse than this” and they are only 4 or 5 cm. I sweetly and calmly try to prepare them for the fact that it may get harder (it definitely will, but that’s not the way to put it!!) but that we are going to handle it together–one contraction at a time! Because of this, most first time moms (and even 2nd or 3rd time moms) find themselves at the hospital way too early!! As I said in an earlier post about “false labor” denial is your best ally during early labor! Go about your day (or night) as much as possible. If it’s night time, try to sleep. You’ll need your rest. If it’s day time, do something distracting. Don’t sit around and time contractions for hours! Get your mind off of what’s going on. I promise–your baby is not going to just shoot out! You will have time to get to the hospital. If you have a doula, she will be able to assess you (not internally) at home and suggest to you when to go to the hospital or birth center.

Upon arriving at the hospital, request a nurse that is favorable to natural birth. Yes, you can do this. They may not always be available, but most hospitals will try to do what they can to work with you. It is established very quickly among labor and delivery nurses who works best with moms who are medicated and moms who are not!

Request not to have continuous fetal monitoring. This will have to be something established with your doctor and birthing place beforehand. Continuous monitoring keeps you in the bed. You will want and need the freedom to move around and keep your labor going.

Relax and breathe!! Deep, long, relaxation breaths are best during labor. No panting “lamaze” breathing. Your doula will also be able to help you with this. She will watch you to make sure you are relaxed all over. She will remind you with each contraction how to breathe, how to relax, how to let your body do the work. Her encouraging words will make the time go faster and get you closer and closer to your baby in your arms!!

Stay strong and remember your choices. If you choose to have a baby in a hospital, just know that you are relinquishing some of your control. You can choose a good doctor, make a birth plan, be completely educated, etc. but ultimately, you are playing by the rules of the medical world. The medical model of care is much different than the midwifery model.

If the outcome ends up being different than you desired, find someone to talk to. Many people will tell you that it’s all okay because the most important thing is that you had a healthy baby. If you are your baby are both okay physically, then that’s definitely what need to be thankful for and focus on. But remember that it’s okay to mourn the loss of your “experience.” Talk about it with your doula or some other trusted friend, and come to grips with all that’s happened. This may take a little while. That’s okay!! All of us have an outcome in mind that we want. Sometimes that birth experience is exactly what we planned, and sometimes it isn’t. If your birth experience doesn’t end up being what you planned, start thinking about plans for next time and what you might do differently if anything.

Potty Training

This isn’t a usual blog for me. I don’t usually blog about childhood things, but maybe I should start. I do have quite a bit of experience with them! And if you are going to go through pregnancy, labor and delivery, you will eventually go through childhood with them as well! It’s inevitable!!

I am potty training my 5th child right now. After doing four already, you’d think I’d have this down. But every child presents it’s own challenges. Now, I say that even though my last two have basically trained themselves, and I don’t even remember rewarding them once when they did it. They seemed to know what to do and did it on their own soon after they turned two. So my 5th is now 2 1/2 years. I’ve been waiting around for her to train herself as well, but she didn’t seem to interested in that. Since I’m having this baby in June, I decided I’d rather have her out of diapers for awhile to save up some money before starting over with the next one! I have done cloth before, and I still have them. I’m trying to decide whether I want to go down that road again or not…. but that’s another story.

So the challenges with this child was that I seem to be on the go a lot! It’s hard to potty train when you aren’t at home! That’s why it’s taken me this long to actually do it. But I decided this week to do it anyway. I took her out in panties the second day she was training. That was one of the only two accidents she’s had. I switched back and forth to diapers when I went out for the first two days. Then I just decided to leave her home all the time with my oldest. So my 13 year old was in charge of the potty training process while I was meeting with doula clients, visiting new babies and seeing my midwife for my own pregnancy. He did a great job. I have to say, he was born to be in charge. And he loves babies!! Now, he handled a poopy accident about as well as the next 13 year old boy–he handed her off to my 7 year old daughter and said, “She’s your job now!” But I can’t really blame him for that one! She’s done great the past few days, though. She’s pooped in the potty each day as well as peed. She knows just what to do and is on her way to potty freedom!!

Now, I’m not expert, but I have learned a few things potty training five children so I’ll share them with you.

#1–Relax and don’t be intimidated!! It’s not as hard as you or anyone wants to make you think. You may have heard horror stories, and you may have lived one (or will live one in the future) but just remember the big picture–they will not graduate from high school wearing diapers. And I’m pretty sure they won’t even get to Middle School in them. (The peer pressure would be a little much.) And if you want to be honest, I doubt they’ll even start Kindergarten in them!! So really, what’s the big deal? So your kid takes a little longer than average? So what? Relax, and give her the time and space and love she needs.

#2–Wait until they are ready!! With my first, I was convinced that I was NOT going to have a three year old in diapers. That was just ridiculous I thought!! I started trying to train him the day he turned 2. I read a book, did just what it said, and spent the next 6 weeks in misery!!! He peed in the potty just fine–hardly had an accident, but he literally pooped in his underwear (because of course I wasn’t going to do pull-ups) everyday for 6 weeks!! I finally came to my senses, and put him back in diapers. I learned my lesson. Life will be so much easier if you wait for them to be ready!! And by the way, he was 3 years and 3 months before he finally did it!! So yes, I had a 3 year old in diapers, and it wasn’t the end of the world!!

#3–Stay home as much as possible!! The first few days are crucial for them just get the point. If you are running around, switching back and forth between diapers, pull-ups and underwear, it’s just too confusing.

#4–I still would recommend underwear (or nothing at all) instead of pull-ups. Now, as a mother of 5, I do see the validity in pull-ups now. It’s not quite as easy to stay home for a week, and it’s not quite as easy to be jumping on every potty in sight when you’ve got several other children running around as well. Also, taking diapers on and off is not easy or fun. But I still think that the real deal (underwear or training pants) or nothing at all (even better) is the best way to train. Pull-ups feel too much like diapers. When mine are home, I don’t put anything on them for the first few days. They seem to realize much more quickly when they don’t have anything to “go” into.

#5–Get and little potty seat and keep it available. I know some people are against the potty seats. They like the inserts on the big potty b/c it’s more convenient. Some children are scared of the big potty and refuse to go in it. For me, it’s just easier to leave the potty seat in the living room and have her go do it when she needs. She doesn’t even need to get me to help her. Once she figures out what it’s for, there’s no problem. I’ve never had one have a problem transitioning to the big potty. My 4th really liked her little potty and did go in it for probably 2-3 months, but in the scope of all things–is that really horrible?

#6–Reward them!! Find something they like and give it to them. I give them 3 M&Ms. Hey, it’s not going to kill them, and it certainly is an incentive. All my other kids are trying to go potty for 3 M&Ms now!! Also, give them your praise as a reward. Dance around, clap and holler about how wonderful it is that they peed in the potty!! They love seeing you get so excited about it.

#7–Don’t punish them. Whatever you do, don’t punish them for accidents. I know it’s hard when they just won’t learn. If they are having lots of accidents, consider the fact that they just aren’t ready. Even if you think they are just being stubborn–maybe they are. But let them win this battle. It’s not worth it for your own sanity. It will happen–maybe not on your time table–but it will happen.

#8–RELAX!! I know I said it in #1, but it’s worth repeating. This is just a stage of life like everything else. It too shall pass. Try to enjoy it as much as you can. You can usually get lots of good stories out of it if nothing else!! Try to laugh a lot and love on your toddler. Let them know that no matter what you love them!! Nothing can change that!

A long time!!

Oh, it’s been a long time since I’ve been on here! My big news since the last time I posted is that I am pregnant with my 6th!! In the beginning I just didn’t feel like getting on, and then I got out of the habit! But my work as a doula has continued, and I continue to love it! I have other big news as well. I am now officially certified through DONA International. I’m very excited about that!

One of my recent births that was the most exciting was a vaginal twin birth! My client had four other children who all had been born at home. Her OB had agreed to do this one at home as well if both babies were head down. I was really excited about that! But as it ended up, she had to be induced at 35 weeks because one of the babies was losing fluid. But as it turned out, all went well in the hospital and she was able to give birth vaginally with no epidural–even with pitocin! She did great!

So I’m back to posting again! See you soon!

Breastfeeding and Mommy fat

Yes, the two go together!! And, biologically, they are meant to. Believe me, I know there are some women out there who claim that breastfeeding is what got them back into their size 4 jeans again in a week, but in looking at the broad spectrum, I think those are few and far between.

I have never been one of the “lucky ones” to be able to get back into my jeans again within a year–much less a week! After a year is really when I can finally start losing good bits of weight because that’s usually when my babies are taking in more solids than they are nursing. Nature actually produces hormones that keep your muscles from being able to regain their “hardness” (for lack of a better word) to keep your body soft for your baby. I mean, think about it. Doesn’t it seem natural that a baby would prefer a soft, comfortable mommy to lie on and snuggle with. Once again, I know there are those moms out there that don’t keep that weight on. For whatever reason, their bodies must burn calories like crazy–I don’t know. But if you are one of the blessed ones to keep those extra pounds on for a few months extra–remember that you are indeed blessed! Look down at that baby, and that’s all you need to remind you. Years will come when you will have an opportunity to get all that weight off. That’s happened to me now. After seven straight years (literally) of either pregnancy or nursing, I weaned my youngest when she turned 2 in July. It was definitely bittersweet, not knowing if there will be another. But after 7 years, I had really been wanting to do a cleanse for a long time. I knew I couldn’t do that while nursing so I stopped. We were both still enjoying the two nursings a day so I hope I didn’t make the wrong decision, but it’s done now!

What made me think of this today was that I had a postpartum visit with a family and their new baby last night. After 3 weeks, this mom was one of those back in her regular jeans. This was her first baby so that’s a little more understandable, but it certainly never happened to me! She was saying, however, how she certainly didn’t fit the “same way” into them. That is for sure! I have a friend whose child told her, “Mommy, they should use Mommy fat to make pillows.” My kids tell me all the time how squishy (and wonderful) my tummy is. I remember telling my own mom that her tummy felt like jelly, and I could never understand why she didn’t take that as a compliment. But I remember plain and clear in my mind that that was a GOOD thing. So when my children say it, I don’t get offended. I try as hard as I can to take it as a compliment and remember what’s important. After five kids, I’m now about 5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy the first time (at 22 years old) weight. I can tell you that it’s a lot different on a 36 year old body with lots of pregnancies and breastfeedings!! But it’s not my desire to be the best looking mom at the beach or even in the church nursery! My goal is to be healthy enough to enjoy life with my kids. I want to be a good weight for me, and if that has a squishy tummy instead of a hard one to go along with it, well that’s okay! It gives my kids a nice pillow.

My body has been used as one of the most sacred things on earth–a safe, warm, nourishing home for these little ones we’ve been blessed with. And then it was used as their sole source of nourishment outside the body for at least 6 months or more. Our bodies are so amazing. They were fearfully and wonderfully made. I know not everyone has the same success stories with breastfeeding, and other things need to be done. I would encourage anyone who is struggling with breastfeeding to contact a lactation consultant immediately. Do everything you can to continue, but in the end–do what’s best for you and your baby.

I’m not going to go in to all the “normal” benefits of breastfeeding here. I’m sure anyone who’s reading this knows that there’s nothing out there that can beat the miracle of breastmilk. It’s filled with all sorts of immunity boosting, serotonin lifting, antibody filled goodness! It’s truly liquid gold and can be used for much more than just filling your baby’s tummy. If your little one has a clogged tear duct, just rub some breastmilk in there a few times. Within a few hours, it will be cleared up. Actually, you can do this instead of have them use erythromycin in their eyes in the hospital. If you don’t have an STD or group strep B, there’s not a whole lot of reason for them to put that goop in their eyes anyway! Your own breastmilk is much better to clear away any infection they may develop. It’s straight antibiotics coming straight from the body that they just came from!! Natures own packaging!! I usually rub a little my babies eyes after each feeding for the first couple of weeks just to ward off infections. Not only does it work great it baby’s eyes but also in any other little ones you may have that get pink eye or other eye infections. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put it in my older kids eyes. They’ve never been grossed out by it. I guess because we don’t think breastmilk is a gross thing at our house.

You can also use breastmilk in a dropper to drop into an infected ear. Once again, it’s straight antibiotics. Any cuts or scrapes–yep, put breastmilk on them. Any ailment your baby (or other family member) has can usually be cured with nature’s remedy stored right in your amazing breasts!! That’s another thing–there’s never any worry about it going bad or being the wrong temperature. It’s always available, and you never have to measure enough out or “run out” of it if you gone longer than you think. Some other added benefits are the way it makes you feel. When you nurse, your brain produces serotonin which is the “feel good” hormone. It relaxes your whole body and sometimes makes you fall asleep. Go ahead and fall asleep (if you don’t have any other children running around that need your attention). It will be good for you and your baby!

Nursing in public can be an obstacle that some women (and their husbands) need to get past. You can certainly do this discreetly. It usually takes about 6 weeks with a first baby to really get good and comfortable with doing it at home and feel like you can do it while you’re out. One of the most important things to remember is to be confident in what you are doing. You are doing the best thing for your baby, and your baby has the right to eat in a decent place (not in a bathroom!!) Know the laws of your state. Every state has laws protecting nursing in public. If anyone says anything to you, be prepared with an answer. Don’t cower and quit. But I really believe that if you are confident in what you are doing, no one will say anything. I have nursed in public hundreds of times, and I’ve never had anyone say anything to me. And believe me, there were times I would have welcomed it because I wanted to be able to defend my right. That wasn’t right of me either–I shouldn’t have wanted to be argumentative (but that’s another story.) So be confident, know your rights, practice, practice, practice at home and then go out and feel free to nurse your baby on your soft, pillowy body with the liquid gold that nature gave you in your amazing breasts on your amazing body!!

Baby-wearing

I’m a huge fan!! Anyone who knows me has seen me with a sling and a baby in it whenever I was out when my babies were little. Although I liked my sling, I have to admit, after a few hours, my back did not like it so much! It was worth it to me, though, to have my little one close to me–where he/she could smell me, hear my heart beat, hear the rhythm of my voice, and be gently soothed to sleep by my movements. This is bonding, people!! Strollers, infant seats, and other inanimate “baby-sitters” have their place at times–but mostly, your baby needs to be on you. It’s so convenient!! You’ve always got two hands free to do what you need plus you have a happy baby!! What more could you ask for?

So, what kind of device should you get? There are so many on the market today. I currently own an Ergo–which I really like. I used it when my (now) 2 year old was 2 months old, and we spent the week at Disney. It was a lifesaver as she spent every minute in it with the newborn insert. She is now going to be spending some time in it next week again at Disney as we go for another week! The Ergo is great because it’s fashioned like a hiking backpack in that all the weight is distributed to your hips–none on your back. I carried her around all day for 6 days in that thing and never had one issue. Another thing I love about the ergo is that your baby is up close to you, unlike in a sling. I love being able to kiss my baby whenever I feel like it!! I’ve added a link to the Ergo Baby Carrier website on the side of this page.

But, since having my last baby, I’ve recently discovered a new baby carrier that actually makes me want to have another baby just to use it!! I don’t think anyone could outdo this one. It’s called the Moby Wrap. I want to buy one for every pregnant mom I know! And you can actually use one to hold twins as well! It’s an amazing thing–your baby is right next to you, as close as possible, in a kissable position, feeling every rhythmic move you make. It’s also very easy to nurse in. I’ve added a link over to the side for this website as well.

Whichever baby wearer you choose, just remember that wearing your baby is a great way to promote bonding. Instead of getting out a cumbersome stroller to head into the mall, just wrap or strap or sling your baby on to you. You are free, your baby is happy. And I can tell you most of the time that baby is going to end up crying and in your arms anyway–and then you’ve got to hold a baby and push a stroller. Not fun! If you’ve got other young children, it’s essential for your sanity!! But no matter what your reason, it’s great for mommy and baby (or daddy and baby) getting to know and trust one another.

Childbirth classes

Choosing the right childbirth class is so important! I’ve recently discovered this even more as I’ve had a couple of very natural clients who wanted to do everything “right” and have ended up with c-sections. Please research and study the childbirth classes offered in your area. Even if you are delivering at a hospital, you can still take classes at a birth center nearby or in someone’s home. There are so many classes to choose from these days–it’s not just lamaze anymore. Speaking of, my husband and I did take lamaze with our first child. Once I was in labor–I remembered nothing of it! I was shocked to hear recently that lamaze still advocates patterned breathing… you know, the “short, short, long” or whatever. That panting is only going to hyperventilate you! I can’t even do it when I’m not pregnant, much less in labor!! And most people don’t know that the patterned breathing does absolutely nothing to actually help you in labor. It’s just a distraction. It’s something else to focus on instead of the pain. You can do that with a lot of other things besides something that’s going to hyperventilate you! So, as you can tell, I’m not big on lamaze classes.

You need to find a class that’s going to give you good information about what is going to happen with your body during labor. If you don’t know this–things can be scary for a first time mom. You need to know the changes your body will make and at what stage. You need to know what’s normal and what’s not. You need to be as armed with as much information as possible to be prepared. No, no one can ever tell you what it’s going to be like. There’s no way to describe it. Most people think of it as the most painful thing in the world because that’s how our society portrays it. I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be a walk in the garden–but it is manageable! There is a difference between pain and suffering. You don’t have to get to the suffering point if you are prepared and know what to expect.

So check out your local birth centers and google childbirth educators in your area. The Bradley Method is a really good one (although it’s very intense for dads, and if your husband is not too into that–don’t do it.) One that I’ve seen in practice a couple of times and has worked amazingly well is Hypnobirthing. That’s a great one. Whatever you choose, make sure that the only breathing pattern they have you doing is slow, relaxation breathing. You can go ahead and start practicing that now. Right now, breathe in to the count of 20 and breathe out of the count of 20. In through your nose, out through your nose (until later in labor–once you get close to transition, you’ll have to be breathing out through your mouth more than likely.) If you can’t do it to the count of 20, that’s fine. Do it to 8 or 12 or whatever you can. And keep practicing. Just whatever you breathe in to, breathe out to the same.

Most importantly, though, find a good childbirth education class. It really is worth it to know what’s going to be happening. Don’t just do it because it’s the “thing to do” but really learn something!!

“False” Labor

It’s just the worst!! You’ve been through 9 months of pregnancy… maybe morning sickness, maybe heartburn, indigestion, or some other gastrointestinal stuff that just “goes along” with pregnancy, maybe you’ve had aches and cramps in your legs (BTW, take calcium supplements for the cramps and rub peppermint oil mixed with olive oil on your legs for tired, achy legs), you’ve peed more times than you ever thought possible, you’re up 4 times a night now visiting the bathroom or just trying to find a more comfortable place to lie and sleep…. whatever your ailments have been–you are ready to be DONE with them! So one day, your Braxton-Hicks contractions feel a little different, a little stronger. You get your hopes up that this is it! You do some walking and get the contractions going even more. You’re feeling more and more hopeful. You think you must spot some heavier mucus in your underwear and notice that your bowels are moving more frequently. That’s a sign of labor, right??? So you continue like this through the day, maybe call your doctor or midwife, inform your doula and wait! After a few hours, most of the contractions are gone, life is as usual and you don’t feel any closer to having this baby!! Maybe you even went in to get checked by your doctor or the hospital and were told to “go home” that you weren’t in labor. How depressing!!

But… before you get too down… remember, all is not lost! You are still one day closer to having your baby and all that work your body was doing is work that it won’t have to do later! Early labor is a process that can take days and even a couple of weeks to build up to active labor. I am convinced that I walk around for at least a week in early labor before the whole process really starts to feel like labor. I’m grateful for all that early stuff. It’s not painful, and it doesn’t stop me from going about my business (as long as I don’t focus on it and just let it happen.) Be thankful for that “false” labor. It’s not really false at all. It’s your body doing it’s job in it’s own way. Birth is not an event that can be planned, and your birth will not be like anyone else’s. Yes, we can be prepared for what our bodies need to do biologically to get this baby from the safe haven of your womb to the safe haven of your arms. We should be educated about the process. But no one can tell us distinctly how our own bodies will work because everyone’s body is different. Some women have many “false” labors where their body is taking an extra long time to get ready. Some women go into it hard and fast. Each of these has it’s pros and cons. Most women are somewhere in the middle and usually have a pretty long early labor period (especially first time moms) which is not usually painful but the contractions get more rhythmic and stronger and longer as time marches on. Sometimes these wax and wane, but if it’s true labor then the contractions will continue and eventually–there will be a baby!

Some differences in “false” labor and true labor include:

1. In true labor, contractions get into a rhythm and continue to get stronger, longer and closer together. Don’t sit around waiting for this to happen–timing contractions for hours on end. YOU WILL KNOW when your contractions are getting stronger, longer and closer together! Continue with your normal everyday life until you know that for sure! Denial is your friend in labor. The longer you think, “this isn’t really it” the better! Sitting and focusing on your labor pains just makes things seem way longer than they really are. This is the truest sign that true labor is indeed here.

2. In true labor, you may see more of a thick, mucus discharge and more than likely it will be tinged with blood. This blood signals that your cervix is opening. Remember–a little blood is a good thing. We like it in labor. It means your body is progressing. Lots of blood is not a good thing. If you start to hemorrhage or your panties are filled with blood, get to the hospital right away.

3. In true labor, your bag of waters may rupture. (Sometimes referred to as your “water breaking.”) This is not always the case. This may not happen until late in labor, during pushing, or not even at all. Babies can be born in their bag of waters. But if your waters do rupture, this can be in one of two ways–a big gush that just pours out (most people don’t mistake this one!) or a slow trickle that you can’t stop when you do a kegel. Sometimes the bag “breaks” up high and the baby is blocking the water so it may take longer to trickle out. Either way, make sure you check your amniotic fluid so you can tell your healthcare practitioner when you call about the color, odor, amount and what time it happened. If the amniotic fluid has a brownish, greenish color and a foul odor, you will be instructed to come in right away as this means that the baby has already had a bowel movement and there is a risk of infection. Make sure you pay attention to how dark of a color it is–your health practitioner will want to know!!

4. In true labor, contractions will get stronger with activity and will stay strong even in a bathtub or shower. I tell my clients this as a pretty tried and true method–if you think you are labor, get in the bathtub. If your contractions continue, you are in labor. If they stop, you are not! It may take a couple of minutes to tell so give it a little time. But the water will stop your contractions if it’s not true labor.

5. In true labor, contractions usually radiate around to your back and all over your uterus–not just stay in the front and down at the bottom. Sometimes this may happen with a couple of contractions in “false” labor but usually if it continues, it’s safe to expect that the other signs will follow soon.

If you have several of these signs–you’re in labor. It may take awhile (especially for first time moms) so don’t rush off to the hospital. If you want to have a natural birth, the longer you are at the hospital, the more you are going to have to fight. If you have given birth previously and know you have a tendency to go quickly, discuss with your health practitioner when he/she would like for you to come in. Obviously, if you are a first time mom, you are going to discuss that as well. But there is usually no hurry. Once your contractions are rhythmic at about 4-5 minutes apart and lasting about 60 seconds, you could certainly start thinking about making that trip. But don’t be surprised if you get there, and you are still only 3 cm or so. Your body has a lot of work to do. All that early “false” labor has helped, but you need to have some very strong contractions to really get your body ready to push a baby out! So if you aren’t feeling too much–my advice is to stay at home and wait it out. You’ll know when you really need to get to the hospital. Once again–if you’ve gone quickly before, you may not need to wait at home that long. If your mother went quickly and you feel scared, you should go as well. If, for any reason, you don’t feel comfortable staying at home, then don’t. Just remember that home is the easiest, calmest, most familiar place and your body will usually progress much better there.

Trusting women’s bodies

We live in a world where everyone seems to be at odds about something. Whether it’s politically, spiritually, or whatever–we’re all fighting. It’s the same in the realm of childbirth. The natural childbirth/midwifery model is at odds with the medical minded OBs. And no one wants to give. I’m usually on the side of the midwifery model. I think that’s pretty obvious from reading my blog and website pages. But I just wanted to say today that I’ve learned something in the past 24 hours. Anyone can be guilty of making the wrong choices when it comes to childbirth, labor and delivery. We preach “trust your body.” I repeat that over and over when I’m in labor with a client. We tell doctors that they don’t trust women’s bodies when they induce them, put time limits on labor, “rescue” them from the feeling and joy of childbirth, cut their perineums, perform unnecessary c-sections, etc. And we’re right! They aren’t trusting that women’s bodies are strong enough, smart enough and made to do this!! But sometimes I think that the other side is just as guilty. Sometimes the midwifery model doesn’t trust women’s bodies either. When a woman’s body is truly saying “I can’t do this” we need to listen. I don’t mean a woman going through transition who just doesn’t feel like she can do it anymore. We’ve all been there. We know she can do it. That’s why she needs a doula to be with her the entire way saying, “Yes, you can. Trust your body.” That’s when she does need to trust her body (and so does everyone else) to take her down the path of true exultation brought about by natural childbirth. And, yes, that usually happens in natural childbirth. Usually everything goes just fine when left alone. BUT there are times when a woman’s body says, “No, I literally can’t do this.” That’s when we realize how blessed we are to live in a day and age when we have a safe (in comparison to the alternative) option to get babies out a different way. When a woman has been at 10 cm for hours and never gets the urge to push–there’s got to be a reason. Her body is saying, “I can’t get this baby out safely.” LISTEN TO IT!! When a woman’s labor keeps stalling out over days–even after taking herbs to get it going again and doing all one can naturally do to make it happen–there’s got to be a reason. This is one thing that doctors may get right. They do tell women that their bodies have a reason for not continuing to progress in labor. They just conveniently forget to tell that that the induction or epidural or any other number of interventions that the doctor performed on them was the cause of it! They are right that if babies are not positioned right, it will make labor and delivery long and very hard. So they are quick to do a c-section. But they forget to say that the fact that the baby was induced before he/she was ready would be the reason why he/she was not positioned correctly. Doctors and nurses go around saying that there are no side effects to epidurals. I mean, seriously, everyone tells me this–that there are NO side effects. Give me a break!! First of all, how could there not be? And secondly, we know that there are so basically, these women are being lied to. But one of the very common side effects is a slow down in labor. So the doctors who want women to stay on a 1cm per hours schedule (which is ridiculous–especially for a first time labor) inevitably end up doing lots of c-sections on women whose epidurals slow down their labor. So these women aren’t progressing in labor for a whole different reason than basic biology.

So this whole experience has made me go “Why can’t we all work together??” Women who want a natural childbirth don’t feel like they can go to a hospital or have an OB because they will be having to fight for their rights to just let their body do what it was made to do. And they do have a viable option in birth centers and home births. I’m not going against my belief on that!! I truly believe that birth center and home births are still just as safe if not safer! I just believe that ALL of our health care providers have got to be truly listening to and trusting women’s bodies whether they are saying what we think they should or not!

Natural Childbirth-a woman’s rite of passage

Now some may think this is a bit extreme. When I write this, I don’t mean to discount women who haven’t been able to have natural childbirth for one reason or another. I know that there are true reasons why some women have had to have c-sections or other interventions that have caused them not be able to have true natural childbirth. The sad truth is, though, that most of those things could be avoided if we would just let nature run its course and allow women to experience the amazingly powerful exhilaration that comes from birthing a baby without any interference. I am not naive enough to believe that most women don’t want these interventions. Women tell me all the time that they have “nothing to prove” by giving birth without pain medication. Oh, if only these women knew what an empowering experience childbirth can be! I truly believe it’s a woman’s rite of passage! I cannot express to you how deeply satisfying it is to groan and breathe and work your way through labor–to be so connected with your body, mind and soul–to be so in tune with your most basic mammal instincts. And then in the end, through your hard work, you feel this perfect miracle slip from your warm, safe womb into the safety of your warm, safe arms! And after it’s over to be able to know that you did it like billions of other women have been doing it for thousands of years before–I believe it’s the most empowering experience a woman can go through. And this empowering birth memory continues to take you through your baby’s infancy and beyond. Any woman who had the strength to go through childbirth knows she has the strength to go through motherhood. Women talk of equality with men, and yet when it comes to birth, they sit back and say “Rescue me! I’m not strong enough to do this on my own.” Doctors for years have been leading women to think this is true! Equality is not something for which I grasp. I am different than men. I don’t need to be the same as them. My body is different, and it’s made for different purposes–the most different being the fact that I have the ability to reproduce another living soul. I have the ability to house and grow a precious baby for nine months. And then I trust my body to know exactly how to bring this baby into this world in a safe and loving way. And after that, I am equipped with all the “equipment” I need to continue to care for this baby by nurturing and feeding with the breasts that God gave me. No, I don’t need anyone to tell me I am equal with a man. I don’t want to be equal. I enjoy the differences between a man and a woman.

Men have their own rites of passage. Maybe it’s a first hunting trip, a camping trip through the Rocky Mountains, or something more primitive. Whatever it is, that’s fine. Let them have their own rituals and pursuits. My husband has plenty of his own that he can enjoy with my sons. But I am preparing my daughters for the amazing journey of a lifetime through pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. There is nothing like it, and a man can never understand it. I truly am saddened by women who miss out on such a huge part of it by not being able to partake in the beautiful part of natural childbirth–even when those women have chosen on their own accord not to do it. I just believe that if we had more education out there about the importance of it–what it really means, how strong our bodies truly are, what interventions can really mean for us, our baby and our memories of our birth experiences–that the tides could change.

As long as women keep looking at birth with the “I have nothing to prove” attitude, things will continue as they are…with ever rising c-section rates, babies who are too tired to nurse because they are drugged, moms who never realize their true potential because they’ve never seen it, and so much more. It’s been said that there’s a big secret out there that so many women don’t know, and it’s not that childbirth is painful–it’s that women are strong! I believe that with all my heart. Allow yourself to find out how truly strong you are and how incredibly unique your body was created!